The Flashlight

You got to laugh at President Trump’s new idea that the U.S. occupy Gaza to remake the Strip in the image of America. It is a joke, isn’t it? What was not reported in the Press was the notes from the brainstorming meeting that Trump held before declaring that Gazans can make Gaza great again. The participants drew on the best of American culture. Here are the notes:

• Build a Disney World in Gaza replete with Mickey carrying around a prayer blanket, Goofy in a kaffiya, and Cinderella in a Burka.
• Create strip malls in the American fashion with choices of American cuisine such as “Have it your way at BK,” “Millions and Millions of Burgers sold,” and “Wendy’s Burgers galore plus delicious frosties.” In the corner of each of the new malls, we will build the ubiquitous Starbucks and other American cafes to give the malls a contemplative aspect.
• Jobs! Jobs! Jobs! Don’t you think that the Gazans deserve a Wallmart or two? Not only will Gazan staff get to wear the Wallmart outfit, we will create a Wallmart delivery service featuring one day delivery in the Wallmart van that will make every happy (play ice cream truck music)! Gazans will never think about war again when they experience the thrill of the next package arriving at their doorstep.
• Build an American style football stadium and whip up interest in this crude yet noble sport.
• Have MGM build a casino in the heart of Gaza City. This gem not only creates jobs, it introduces the American fetish for gambling that will make all Gazans winners (I am told that a casino in Jericho is doing quite well).
• The Hollywood Hills come to the hills of Gaza. Let’s create movie studios that parallel the American ones and create epic and dumb films that cater to the masses: “Captain Gaza,” “A Complete Unknown” (with lyrics in Arabic), and “Despicable You.”
• A Gaza Riviera. Behind all the rubble and debris, there is a beautiful beach out there! You just have to squint and imagine boardwalks complete with clean beaches with umbrellas and lounge chairs and surf.
• Golf. Everybody likes golf. It is so peaceful and non-violent.
• Let’s talk to the NASCAR folks about setting up a Daytona 500 race track as an entertainment destination. Yet another distraction from the hateful violence of this generation. As NASCAR fans will attest: watching racing cars is the greatest diversion of the humdrum life.

It is a big project but it can be done. According to the Trump files, “we need to dream big” and put cheerful American engineers and construction workers on the ground to build a little America in the Middle East. It can happen! Just as Mordecai and Esther plotted to reverse the antisemitism in ancient Persia, so too can the Trump team put happy faces on Gazans who love to drink Coca-cola. Stop standing around. We got an empire to build.

Happy Purim!